thefamily

I figure I can write whatever I want without having to worry that someone will write a nasty comment about how terrible I am.  Good.  I need a safe venting place.

I hate Obama.  I hate him.  I never trusted him.  He said he’d help us with the national budget and what does he do?  Goes and lifts a ban that kept money in the U.S. and helped decrease the number of abortions.  I cannot believe he is allowing money to go to other countries to pay for abortions!!!!  How wrong is this on how many levels??  What a hypocritical idiot.

I know he’s pro-abortion, so that part wasn’t hypocritical, but giving money to other countries for it?  When we are in a huge mess ourselves with our economy, the national debt, and our own country’s morals failing. What is this supposed to do?  Oh, help other countries control their population.  Oh, because BIRTH CONTROL (as in CONTRACEPTIVES and ABSTINANCE for teenagers) isn’t an option?  Is it actually easier to provide them with money for abortions instead of condoms and pamphlets in their native tounge?  I’d be willing to go there as an ambassador (given a translator) and teach the people about how not to have babies if they don’t want to get pregnant.   Idiots.

And the thing that gets me even more is the stupid article I read about his doing this incredibly stupid thing used the phrase “family planning” at least a dozen times.  Excuse me, but an abortion isn’t family planning.  Abortions mean someone failed to plan.  Period.  Leaving morals out of it (if that’s even possible) a woman makes a choice to do something promiscuous that gets her pregnant.  Now, given that she isnt’a simpleton, she knows how sex works and how babies are made.  She knows babies are the large side effect of having sex.  Now, if the baby is not “wanted” and yet a baby is what is made then there are other options.  A woman shouldn’t be able to just kill the baby because she’s a selfish, lazy, inconsiderate slut.  Now, let’s say the woman is married and still doesn’t want the baby.  Then she’s a selfish, lazy, inconsiderate jerk.

And President Obama is too.

Family Planning should be parents planning how and when to have their family, how many children to have and when to have them.  How to get pregnant and how to make sure no children are conceived before the parents are ready for them.  Family Planning doesn’t mean how not to take responsibility for your actions and pretend every thing is okay.  That is called irresponsible and immoral.

I came across this blog months ago when someone else (I think maybe Navel Gazing?) put up a link to it on her blog. I asked for permission to post the whole thing on my blog, but was denied since her blog is copyrighted. I think this post is something that every mom who has ever felt frustrated with her children should read. And isn’t that all of us? We all have our moments of craziness whene we are rushed and frazzled and whene we feel like one more thing is going to just push us over the edge. Then we reach that one more thing and what do we do? Go read this and then come back. I’ll wait.

AntiqueMommy
click the link or copy paste this:
http://antiquemommy.com/2008/09/17/in-motherhood-forgiveness-trumps-failure/

Ok, now that you’ve read it and presumably gotten some toilet paper from the bathroom to blow your nose (I never have Kleenex, just good ol’ T.P.) we can go on.

I have thought about this story many times since I first read it a few months ago. While my kids have never said what her little boy stated so eloquently, I know when I get upset at my kids for whatever my personal “ball of tape” is, be it my crafts, sewing, books, fish food, toothpaste, or any of the 100 things I’ve repeatedly asked my kids to stay away from, or when I get mad at them for any other reason, I know that they are thinking and feeling the same way as this little boy.

My New Year’s Resolutions this year mostly involve improving my relationship with my children. I’ve promised myself to play more, be more gentle and understanding, less quick to upset or anger, and no more yelling unless someone is in danger. I haven’t done that great so far, but really, I’ve spent most of the New Year in a van or hotel room with them, unable to escape for even a few moments. Now that we are home and aren’t feeling like we’re duct taped to each other anymore it should be a little easier. I’ve also resolved to go to bed sooner (which I recently discovered means I need to look at a clock more often at night, otherwise it gets to be midnight and I think it’s still 10:30 PM), and write an hour a day (my blog doesn’t count). To help me with these goals I’ve enlisted my husband who, so far, seems happy to help.

I really don’t want to be the mom I am right now. I want to be a better mom. The best mom I can be. I want to have more patience; I want to have a better understanding of what is important and what isn’t; I want to let my kids know that I value them above my “tape.”

Have you ever been on the Yahoo! Answers site?  People write in their questions and other people write in responses.  It’s a site I have frequented in recent months and I’ve found it very interesting.  My favorite section to visit is the Family & Relationships section.  There always seems to be some poor heartbroken teenager wondering what to do about their boyfriend/girlfriend, or the classmate they’ve had a crush on for years, or the classmate that won’t leave them alone.   I usually throw my two cents into the pot of other answers and usually my answer is voted as the best by the person that asked the question.  I don’t say this to brag (although every time I get the email telling me I got another Best Answer I have to admit that I feel pretty dang cool) but to let you know that these kids appreciate guidance when it comes to something like dating.  They might say stuff like, “Mom and dad, it’s my life!  Leave me alone!”  But then they’ll turn right around and ask for help from the great big world of the internet.  They want the help, they just don’t know how to go about asking for it from their parents sometimes.

If you ask most teens what the point of dating is, you’re likely to get a different response than if you ask a young adult or adult.  To teens, dating is something to do to have fun.  They get those fluttery feelings in their stomach and think someone is “cute.”  Young adults and adults might feel this way about dating, however, they know that dating also has a purpose: to find a mate.  Eventually dating should lead to courtship which should lead to marriage which should lead to children.

Unfortunately, in today’s world, dating among pre-teens and teens has lead to a rise in children having children.

There are lots of avenues I could cover with a topic like teen (and unfortunately pre-teen dating) but today I decided to focus on one.

The Turndown.

Yes, the dreaded turndown.   I know back in the day it wasn’t considered good manners for a girl to turn down a boy’s offer for a date.  I’ve seen movies and T.V. shows where a mother chides her daughter, pointing out how nervous the boy must have been and how it was insensitive of her to say no.  How prideful the girl must have been to not even give the boy a chance.

Wow!  Let’s just tell all young women everywhere to put out as well.  If the guy digs up the courage to ask then the girl has to say yes, right?  I mean, he put his pride on the line, brought her flowers, and paid for dinner.  Doesn’t she owe him?  HECK NO!

Today many young women are still being told my their parents that if a guy asks them out, they need to say yes.  This is the wrong idea.  While dating in high school (dating should start in high school at age 16, and then only as group dates, more on this later if you’re interested) dating should be mostly for fun.  Teens should take the opportunity to learn the social rules of dating and learn what kind of qualities are important to them in a boy/girlfriend.  A girl might think she wants to date a jock.  When the opportunity arises, she may find that there are more important qualities than being good at sports.  A boy may want to date the class president (tried to stay away from the cheerleader stereotype), but could find that she’s arrogant.

High school is not a time for serious dating.  It is a time to date many people and to do it in the safety of groups.  Group datesrelieve much of the pressure of single dating.  There is much less danger of teen pregnancy as relationships are less likely to become intimate with three or four friends along.  If teens take the opportunity to date around they will be blessed with not only a better understanding of the qualities they now know are important in a boy/girlfriend (and later spouse) but they will also be blessed with a better understanding of who they are as well.  None of the I need to find out who I am stuff that has become a popular excuse for ending relationships.

Now, I agree that if a girl is completely turning all guys down then there might be a problem that needs to be addressed.  However, no girl should be compelled to say yes to any or every date offered to her.  First off, no parent has a better understanding of the guys in a girl’s school than the girl herself.  If a girl already knows that the guy isn’t someone she would want to go out with or spend time alone with, then her parents should not encourage her to do so.

Here’s an example.  I have a dear friend who was asked out to an event by a young man who was quite insistent.  When she turned him down he informed her that she would be going to this event with him anyway and that he was off to buy the tickets.  Slightly shocked she told her parents and myself about this young man and, what I view as, his incredible rudness.  Her mother and father were surprised to learn that their daughter wouldn’t want to go.  Afterall, the young man knew it was an even she wanted to attend, he invited her to it, and bought the tickets.  Why would she not want to go?   Because she wasn’t interested in HIM.  She knew the young man and knew she didn’t want to spend more of her time with him.  She knew it was a relationship that would not grow and didn’t want to waste time trying.

My response was, “Don’t go.”  Wait for the guy to come pick you up, be in your grubby clothes and inform him that you won’t be going with him.  Better yet, call him now and tell him to invite someone else if he already has the tickets.

Unfortunately she listened to her parents (this is probably the only time you’ll hear me lamenting someone listening to their parents) and went on the date.  The guy showed up dispite her refusal of the date and she was ready when he arrived.

Now, if the parents of this friend read this and are upset over my views of the situation, please forgive me, but I have too much personal experience in this area to have any other opinion in the matter.  This story being on the web shouldn’t matter as it is an anonymous blog.

I mentioned my personal experience.  My parents never forced me to go out with anyone.  That was hardly an option since I was rarely asked out, however, as I got into college and eventually was asked out I realized I didn’t know how to say no to a guy asking me out.  As a result, I went on lots of dates with quite a few guys that were all wastes of my time.  Many I knew after the first date (or even before) that the guy was someone I wasn’t interested in dating, but not knowing how to turn him down was a stumbling block for me.  Many of these turned out to be real weirdos that I really wish I hadn’t wasted time on.  I could have been at home with my roommates having fun, instead of feeling uncomfortable at a campfire, movie, or dinner. I remember how after repeatedly speaking with a particular young man I breathed a sigh of relief at how wonderfully normal he was.  I later married him.

I could give detailed examples of the weirdos, but I won’t.  The fact of the matter is, girls should not be encouraged to accept dates simply because they are offered.  Dating has a purpose and that purpose is not simply a free dinner or movie.  Dating is a time of growth and learning and should be treated as such.  Teens should look at dating as a time to learn about what is important to them and what about themselves needs improving.

Is something I don’t have much of.  In high school I always thought I had some.  Even in college I thought I did.  And then something happened.  I had children.  And then something happened to make it worse.  A lovely woman named Elizabeth told me that I shouldn’t keep things bottled up inside.  From that moment I’ve been like a firecracker.  I guess I need to find a balance.

Some days are better than others.  Some days I am so good with my crazy kids and then at the end of the day I’m worn out and I feel like I just don’t have any self control left to keep my temper at bay.  Other days I have no patience right from the get go.  I used to think that I’d at least have patience with other people (because you know how we always put on a face for our friends and neighbors so they think everything is great, when really, our life is just as stressful as theirs?).  I try to warn people when I’m not feeling particularly patient.  Like when the ol’ Lappy was broken.  I spent HOURS on the phone trying to get help from the Geek Squad.  I did not want to get my three kids out of the apartment to drive to a Best Buy that was so poorly planned that it is almost impossible to get to.  I wanted help over the phone.  I couldn’t get it because their phone lines were having problems and repeatedly dropped the call.  By the time I forced myself to the store I was fuming.  When I got to the desk I carefully put the Lappy on the counter and began to apologize for any rudeness that would come out of my mouth or body language.  The same week I had to do a similar thing at Wal-Mart in the TLE.  I almost had to do it again there tonight.  The difference being this time they would have deserved every rude remark I could come up with.  Today I babysat and the Squeeling Pig (again, this is the nickname his own parents game him, not me) would not stop crying.  At all.  In the entire 9 AM to 2:30 PM he was here.  He took two naps, one was an hour long, the other half an hour.  Those were the only times he was happy.  Oldest Daughter woke up grumpy.  She cried/whined nearly all day.  There was much DRAMA.  (That means nothing happened, yet the world still came crashing down in her eyes.)  Youngest Daughter was freaked out by the screeching of the Squeeling Pig and cried.  A lot.  My son was two years old.  That is typical, but combined with everything else. . .I lost my patience today.  I don’t know where it went.  It is possibly hiding somewhere, cowering under the couch or freezing out near the trash bins because I scared it.

Days like this I don’t feel very good about my mothering skills.  I eventually got Oldest Daughter to rest on the couch for about 45 minutes, which helped her be less whiny for the next 2 hours.  I wrapped the Squeeling Pig in a blanket, put him on a bean bag chair and moved him into the kitchen where he could look out the window and I couldn’t stuff his socks in his mouth.  I would have just put in my ear plugs (which I usually do with him) but I couldn’t find them.

Lately I have been trying to find a way to be a better parent, to be more patient.  I play with my kids, I read with them, I spend time with them.  But I’m really not very patient.  I expect a lot of them, more than I should, and when they don’t reach my expectations, I get upset.  It doesn’t help that they are like Super Geniuses.  We are very blessed to have children who are extremly intelligent, however, sometimes this leads me to think that they should remember EVERYTHING I tell them.

The last week or two I’ve been trying to remember to look to the Master Parent.  God.  He is our Father and raised us all as spirits before we came here to this life.  He knows every trick and lesson in the book.  When our parenting skills are lacking, our patience is waning, and our head is exploding, we need to remember that all we need to do is ask Him for parenting advice.  He’s better than any parenting magazine or “expert.”  He knows more tricks and truths than the What to Expect authors and His stuff works.

As I sit here, my little baby girl is asleep on my lap.  I look at her beautiful face, her lower lip being sucked on.  Then she smiles, and it makes me smile, too.  It’s been a hard day.  But this moments is making it a little better.  My older kids have been back-talking, disobedient little hooligans today.  They undressed themselves and got in the bathtub after I asked them to wait ten minutes for me.  They woke up their baby sister from a nice and much needed nap.  They have yelled at each other all day.  One of them broke one of my old tapes that I still listen to and then blamed their sibling.  Now they got themselves onto the computer (which my oldest knows she isn’t allowed to get onto herself, she has to ask first).  But here I sit.  Alone with my baby.

It is hard to pick battles and wars.  Where do we draw the line when our children are disobedient?  How do we know what stuff we can ignore and what stuff we can’t?  Obviously there are some things that are a big deal-violence for one I won’t allow at all.  Any hitting, kicking, pushing, or biting receives a quick punishment and lecture.   But what about other deeds, like whining, refusing to listen or obey seemingly simple requests?  Or forgetting to use inside voice?  Getting on the computer when repeatedly reminded to ask first?  Getting in the tub and turning on the water without parental permission or supervision?  This one wouldn’t be such a big deal if I could trust them to sit in the tub instead of stand in it–when I walked in they were both standing and our bathmat creates no friction at all, it’s terrible.  What about tantrums?

Discipline is my biggest weakness as a parent.  I simply don’t know what to do.  I’m tempted to call Super Nanny sometimes.  Really, I am.  I never know what is a big deal and what isn’t, because honestly, everything seems like a big deal to me.  I’m an uptight and anxious person and I have a problem letting some things go.  By the end of the day I’m ready to leave the apartment because I can’t stand being ignored by the kids anymore.  Yesterday I started ignoring them back.  I couldn’t take it anymore and decided to let them know how it feels to be ignored.  Jeremy asked me a question and I didn’t answer.  Jeremy was fine with this.  Megan was not.  She FREAKED OUT.  She proceeded to yell at the top of her lungs, crying and whining, for ten whole minutes.  Ten entire minutes went by before she lowered her voice and used the word please.  After she lowered her voice and said please I decided it was time to acknowledge her suffering and we discussed what happened and why.  I explained to her that I “feel bad inside” (her terminology, not mine) when they ignore my simple requests (such as sit in your seat so I can buckle you).  I asked her how she felt as I ignored them and she said she felt “bad inside,” too.  Hopefully all I’ll have to do now is ask if they want to be ignored and they’ll hop to it.

Was this course of action too much?  Was it mean of me?  Juvenile?  I’m not sure.  I knew that if I opened my mouth before I was ready something more juvenile would come pouring out.

I always compare myself to older mothers.  Those who are so old they have great grand kids or are dead.  Like Marjorie Hinckley .  I am forever comparing myself to this woman.  I know she probably never raised her voice once in her entire lifetime.  Unless it was to warn a child to get out of the street because an eighteen wheeler was charging through.  More than anything I want to be like her, but unfortunately I haven’t gotten anywhere near her goodness yet.  Usually after a day like today I hate myself.  I’ve screamed, yelled, and fought with the kids and even as I’m doing it I see how horrible and ugly it is, but I don’t stop myself.  Today I’m making a goal of making myself stop as soon as I realize what I’m doing.

We used to have a set of Family Rules posted on our front door before we moved across the country.  Maybe it’s time to make a new set.  The Family Rules really helped Megan remember to be obedient and I think Jeremy is old enough now to understand rules and consequences, too.  When we made the first list of Rules we let Megan help come up with the Rules and the Consequences.  And to note, the Consequences were not all negative.  Some were positive reward consequences for good behavior.  I think it’s time to break it out again. . . .  I’ll let you know how it goes.  Maybe it will help me separate the small things from the big things and I’ll more easily be able to let go of the small.

As you can imagine, I am extremely relieved that Prop 8 passed in California.  However, with this small success for the protection of the family unit comes great sorrow as well.  I’ve never seen such outright hatred and intolerance displayed in the United States before.  I’m not referring to those who voted for Prop 8 as some might assume.  Yes, I’m sure there are some who voted for it who are intolerant of those of the alternate lifestyle persuasion, but I am referring to those who were against Prop 8.  Wasn’t part of their argument that we should be understanding and tolerant of all people?  Or are they using a different dictionary from me?  One that states that tolerance means you are only expected to be tolerant of people with the same view point as yourself?  Wow, does my local Borders or Barnes and Noble have that dictionary?

Yes, they have their freedom of speech.  Yes, they have every right to make signs, create petitions, go door to door, and stand around on government grounds trying to be heard.  I suppose they even have the right to make commercials consisting of disgusting lies in order to sway people from voting for Prop 8.  They can come up with all kinds of downright lies and present them as facts, they can take information and skew it before presenting it to the public and think nothing of it because they hope it will further their case.  But when those who disagree with them use faith and religious conviction to further the the passing of Prop 8, suddenly there is a problem.  Those who agree with Prop 8 are suddenly bigots and intolerant.  Why?  Why is it that those who believe God intended one man and one woman to be together in marriage are suddenly being spotlighted as terrible people?  Maybe I don’t understand the definition of intolerance.  I really should get to the bookstore and see if I can find that new liberal dictionary.

This subject is very personal to me as I’ve recently been ridiculed for my support of Prop 8 and as I’ve recently read reports on what those against Prop 8 have been doing to undermine those who support it, and specifically, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.   It saddens me that a huge group of people would congregate outside of an LDS temple and verbally attack temple patrons.  That they would picket a temple of God because those going inside might not believe same sex marriage should be legalized is something akin to a child’s temper tantrum. Instead of taking the time to think about what they are doing, they just do.  Instead of taking time to look in the mirror and see the intolerance and hatred in their own faces, they assume that is what drives everyone of the opposite view point.

Now, something I find incredibly sad.  Those of you who read this blog who are not familiar with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, may not be aware of this next bit of information.  Members of the LDS Church  who desire to enter the temple must first receive a recommend from their Church leaders.  In order to receive this recommend they must be interviewed and show that they are living worthily to enter the House of the Lord.  There is a series of questions put to them, one of which asks if they align themselves with any group or organization which works toward something contrary to the teachings of the Gospel and the leaders of the Church.  I know that there are members of the Church who are sympathetic to the anti-Prop 8 cause and have gone so far as to protest it, putting signs in their yards, joining in the picket lines and groups of people calling for what they refer to as “tolerance” but in reality isn’t.  These members of the Church will not be able to honestly answer this particular question from their Church leaders in a way that will allow them to proceed into the temple.

There are many who don’t believe that religion should play any part in the decision of legalizing (or not) same sex marriage.   But then there comes the issue of the Bible.  It is plainly described as something vile and sinful.  Those who are faithful Christians should not be asked, or expected, to separate religion from such a decision.   However, if there are those who insist on us coming up with other reasons for disagreeing with legalizing same sex marriage, I will be happy to present some very good reasons in my next post.  Right now, I’m going to go play with my kids.

Since we don’t watch much TV at our house I only recently came across this from Dove.  I was floored.  I always knew that models and celebrities were fussed over to make them look perfect, but I figured it was all done with makeup and hair products.  I never thought about PhotoShop being a big factor in how these “beauties” are presented to us.  If at all I figured it would be used to get rid of a zit or something like that.

Now watch this one.

Scary!  I remember growing up and thinking I was the ugliest girl in my grade, or at least the most plain.  I remember thinking I was fat and too short.  I remember feeling frumpy and clueless about makeup.  I was still a tomboy in high school, so to admit any curiosity in makeup seemed wrong to me, but still I was curious.  There was a model in my homeroom and a Broadway dancer/model in my drama classes.  One of my best friends looked like she could be Uma Thurman’s little sister while another best friend weighed about twenty pounds less than me and was about 8 inches taller than me.  I felt like everywhere I looked I saw people who were prettier than me.  Even at home I felt plain.

With all those feelings from my past that still creep into my thoughts today as I go to the grocery store, to the park, to Church, etc. it is a wonder that I never thought about my daughter’s self image.  Luckily my youngest isn’t 6 months old yet and so there’s no problems there, but my oldest will be 4 in December and I’ve already seen a need in her to be recognized as beautiful, pretty, or cute.  Why did I never think about this before?

Society drills into us the need for girls and women to be ‘beautiful’ and then they raise the standards so high that no woman can possibly attain their definition of beauty.  If they have to primp, prim, and PhotoShop the models, the women who are supposed to be ‘naturally beautiful’ then what are we normal women supposed to do?  Should we give into society and go get our tummies tucked, our breasts perkified, and our skin pulled back around our eyes so we can look thinner, younger, and fresher?  Or should we buy as many skin creams, anti acne meds, hydrating shampoos, firming lotions, etc. as we can afford?

Or should we completely revolt and buy nothing.  In fact refusing to ever shower again!

I think we can all see that both of these options are not realistic.  We do need to take care of ourselves and sometimes special creams, lotions, or shampoos do help our faces keep from drying out, or being too oily, or keep our hair from frizzing.  These are understandable.  However, we should not feel like these products make us beautiful.  Our daughters shouldn’t feel that they are only beautiful if they look like the latest Disney Channel sweetheart.

So what can we do for our daughters to help them feel their self worth and help them know that it shouldn’t be dependent upon their weight, face, or hair?

As I’ve thought about this I’ve only been able to think of a few things, so I hope many of you will comment with your own ideas.

1. Be more positive about our own self worth and self image.  Don’t let our daughters hear us say negative comments about ourselves or our own looks.  If we feel we could improve in a certain area, let them see us work at it, such as diet and exercise.  Be a good example to them.  Let them know that we don’t (or no longer) judge ourselves by what we look like.

2. Let them know that they are beautiful.  Don’t just tell them they are pretty when their hair is done or when they are in their Sunday best.  Let them feel beautiful when they are in their pajamas with their hair all crazy.

3. Let them know that their looks aren’t the most important and let them know how smart, kind, compassionate, funny, creative, loving, talented, etc. they are.   Compliment them frequently.  Not to the point of puffing up their heads, but enough for them to understand the truthfulness of the compliments.

4. Be sincere.  If you don’t mean it, they’ll know it.

What are some other ways in which we can strengthen our daughters?

I recommend going to the Dove website by clicking on the link or by pasting this into your browser.   http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/

Dove has workshops for girls, young women, and women to help them improve their self esteem and self image.  I have taken the time to sign up to teach a workshop and I encourage all of you to at least look at their website and learn more about it yourself so you can be ready to teach your own daughters and the young women who will cross your own paths.

Yesterday I wrote on the importance of family, how God intends for us to have children and why, and my belief that families can be together forever.  Today I’ll continue along the same vein of families and children with the issue of abortion.  Once again I will be borrowing heavily from Elder Oaks’s devotional from 1999.

Elder Oaks states, “More than 30 years ago, as a young law professor, I published one of the earliest articles on the legal consequences of abortion. . . .  I have been fascinated with how cleverly those who sought and now defend legalized abortion on demand have moved the issue away from a debate on the moral, ethical, and medical pros and cons of legal restrictions on abortion and focused the debate on the slogan or issue of choice. The slogan or sound bite “pro-choice” has had an almost magical effect in justifying abortion and in neutralizing opposition to it.

However, Oaks councils, “Choice is a method, not the ultimate goal. We are accountable for our choices . . .”  Yes, it is a choice, but we must make the right choice.  One of the ten commandments is to not commit murder, nor anything like unto it.  Abortion, not matter the stage of pregnancy, it murder or something like unto it.

A popular argument it that the woman should have control over her own body.  Yes, every woman has control over and responsibility for her own body, how she uses it and how she cares for it.  If a woman chooses to remain chaste, modest in her dress and manner of behavior, then she has made choices that will enable her, that will give her more good choices to choose from.  It is highly unlikely that she will be faced with the choice to abort a life or not.

On the other hand, if a woman dresses provocatively, behaves in a fashion that puts her in a situation where pre-marital sex occurs and pregnancy begins, then she has made a wrong choice which will limit her future choices.  She now has a responsibility for the life growing within her as well as her own body.  If the pregnancy puts a damper on her plans, the inconvenience of the child does not justify her in an abortion.  She chose what would happen to her body and risked becoming pregnant.  Our wrong choices limit our future choices.  Those who choose to drink and drive suffer the consequences of losing their licenses, wrecking their cars, or worse, being the cause of another’s death or their own.  Those who choose to use drugs make the choice to harm their bodies and lose some of their faculties, as well as create a possibility of hurting others.  Those who choose to lie, cheat, steal make wrong choices which will harm them and limit their future choices.

Those who make choices which lead to unwanted pregnancies have lost some of the freedoms which they desire.  They cannot simply abort because they want to continue having illicit sex, or because they want to continue using drugs, or smoking, or because they wanted a career first, or even because they wanted to finish high school first.  The woman has already had her choice.

The child within her is innocent.  The child within her has done nothing wrong and would like nothing better than to come into a family where it will be loved and cared for.  If the woman is not willing or able to care for the child, there are avenues other than abortion.  Adoption, for one.  There are many women unable to become pregnant who would love to care for a child.  There is no need to silence a life, when there are those willing and desiring to care for it.

Today’s topic is the purpose of families.  I will be borrowing heavily from Dallin H. Oaks whose credentials are too numerous to list here, so I supplied a link to a wiki article on him.  This is from a devotional given by him at BYU in 1999.  I find it timely now (just as it was then, but perhaps more so now) because of our current raging political battle.  One of our candidates is pro-live abortion and as such, I simply cannot vote for him.

“The purpose of mortal families is to bring children into the world, to teach them what is right, and to prepare all family members for exaltation in eternal family relationships. The gospel plan contemplates the kind of family government, discipline, solidarity, and love that serve those ultimate goals.”

We talk of God as being a kind and loving Father to us, and we are his children.  It would make sense then that He would want us to experience love in a family and experience parenthood.  He is the ultimate Father, one with perfect love for us.  He wants us to understand what it is like to love and care for others, and the best way we can experience these is through having children.  Elder Oaks mentioned a gospel plan.  In my Church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we believe that God has a plan for us and that we can be together in our families forever.  That marriage doesn’t have to be ’til death do us part’ and that those of us who have lost children due to miscarriage, accident, or sickness, will have the opportunity to raise that child in the next life.  We believe that our families are given to us that we may learn to love and care for others, and in turn be loved and cared for, that we may learn to be a little more like God and our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow I will be back writing on abortion and how Satan has blinded the eyes and senses of the world.

How do we begin teaching our children about clean thoughts and clean language?  The media is inundated with filthy language and smut.  Movies and T.V. shows that appear child and family friendly are not.  Just because a movie or show is a cartoon, it doesn’t mean it is alright for children.  Take Shrek for example.  My kids occasionally ask to watch Shrek.  They think it is a funny movie, but they don’t understand more than half of it.  And it’s a good thing they don’t!  The cartoon has many sexual innuendos and much foul language. 

Shrek was marketed as a kid movie, complete with Shrek character toys, shirts, bowls and plates, shoes, hats, etc.  The movie, which upon viewing is obviously meant for adults, is slammed into the faces of children. 

What about after school or Saturday morning cartoons?  They are filled with violence in a degree which I cannot understand.  Yes, Saturday morning cartoons were violent when I was a kid, but they were nothing like they are today.  As a kid I saw Wylie Coyote fall off a cliff after holding up a sign that said, “Help!” or Bugs Bunny bend Elmer Fudd’s rifle back on himself, giving Fudd a black face.  These cartoons acknowledged they were cartoons, not real situations where they were trying to hurt one another.

Today’s cartoons are filled with a more graphic violence:  the bad guys attempting to kill the good guys, the good guys trying to kill the bad guys.  Fights involving hand to hand combat and extreme weapons are abundant. 

We need to be aware of what our children are watching and moderate it better.  We need to let Hollywood and the T.V. stations know what is acceptable in our homes and on our T.V.s and what isn’t.  Don’t just assume because it’s a cartoon or because it came from Disney that it must be okay.  Let our children know why certain shows are inappropriate and teach them to use clean language and to have clean thoughts.   Let our children be children.  Let’s not fill their minds with smutty thoughts and language.