Nov 19 2008
Patience
Is something I don’t have much of. In high school I always thought I had some. Even in college I thought I did. And then something happened. I had children. And then something happened to make it worse. A lovely woman named Elizabeth told me that I shouldn’t keep things bottled up inside. From that moment I’ve been like a firecracker. I guess I need to find a balance.
Some days are better than others. Some days I am so good with my crazy kids and then at the end of the day I’m worn out and I feel like I just don’t have any self control left to keep my temper at bay. Other days I have no patience right from the get go. I used to think that I’d at least have patience with other people (because you know how we always put on a face for our friends and neighbors so they think everything is great, when really, our life is just as stressful as theirs?). I try to warn people when I’m not feeling particularly patient. Like when the ol’ Lappy was broken. I spent HOURS on the phone trying to get help from the Geek Squad. I did not want to get my three kids out of the apartment to drive to a Best Buy that was so poorly planned that it is almost impossible to get to. I wanted help over the phone. I couldn’t get it because their phone lines were having problems and repeatedly dropped the call. By the time I forced myself to the store I was fuming. When I got to the desk I carefully put the Lappy on the counter and began to apologize for any rudeness that would come out of my mouth or body language. The same week I had to do a similar thing at Wal-Mart in the TLE. I almost had to do it again there tonight. The difference being this time they would have deserved every rude remark I could come up with. Today I babysat and the Squeeling Pig (again, this is the nickname his own parents game him, not me) would not stop crying. At all. In the entire 9 AM to 2:30 PM he was here. He took two naps, one was an hour long, the other half an hour. Those were the only times he was happy. Oldest Daughter woke up grumpy. She cried/whined nearly all day. There was much DRAMA. (That means nothing happened, yet the world still came crashing down in her eyes.) Youngest Daughter was freaked out by the screeching of the Squeeling Pig and cried. A lot. My son was two years old. That is typical, but combined with everything else. . .I lost my patience today. I don’t know where it went. It is possibly hiding somewhere, cowering under the couch or freezing out near the trash bins because I scared it.
Days like this I don’t feel very good about my mothering skills. I eventually got Oldest Daughter to rest on the couch for about 45 minutes, which helped her be less whiny for the next 2 hours. I wrapped the Squeeling Pig in a blanket, put him on a bean bag chair and moved him into the kitchen where he could look out the window and I couldn’t stuff his socks in his mouth. I would have just put in my ear plugs (which I usually do with him) but I couldn’t find them.
Lately I have been trying to find a way to be a better parent, to be more patient. I play with my kids, I read with them, I spend time with them. But I’m really not very patient. I expect a lot of them, more than I should, and when they don’t reach my expectations, I get upset. It doesn’t help that they are like Super Geniuses. We are very blessed to have children who are extremly intelligent, however, sometimes this leads me to think that they should remember EVERYTHING I tell them.
The last week or two I’ve been trying to remember to look to the Master Parent. God. He is our Father and raised us all as spirits before we came here to this life. He knows every trick and lesson in the book. When our parenting skills are lacking, our patience is waning, and our head is exploding, we need to remember that all we need to do is ask Him for parenting advice. He’s better than any parenting magazine or “expert.” He knows more tricks and truths than the What to Expect authors and His stuff works.
