thefamily

Since we don’t watch much TV at our house I only recently came across this from Dove.  I was floored.  I always knew that models and celebrities were fussed over to make them look perfect, but I figured it was all done with makeup and hair products.  I never thought about PhotoShop being a big factor in how these “beauties” are presented to us.  If at all I figured it would be used to get rid of a zit or something like that.

Now watch this one.

Scary!  I remember growing up and thinking I was the ugliest girl in my grade, or at least the most plain.  I remember thinking I was fat and too short.  I remember feeling frumpy and clueless about makeup.  I was still a tomboy in high school, so to admit any curiosity in makeup seemed wrong to me, but still I was curious.  There was a model in my homeroom and a Broadway dancer/model in my drama classes.  One of my best friends looked like she could be Uma Thurman’s little sister while another best friend weighed about twenty pounds less than me and was about 8 inches taller than me.  I felt like everywhere I looked I saw people who were prettier than me.  Even at home I felt plain.

With all those feelings from my past that still creep into my thoughts today as I go to the grocery store, to the park, to Church, etc. it is a wonder that I never thought about my daughter’s self image.  Luckily my youngest isn’t 6 months old yet and so there’s no problems there, but my oldest will be 4 in December and I’ve already seen a need in her to be recognized as beautiful, pretty, or cute.  Why did I never think about this before?

Society drills into us the need for girls and women to be ‘beautiful’ and then they raise the standards so high that no woman can possibly attain their definition of beauty.  If they have to primp, prim, and PhotoShop the models, the women who are supposed to be ‘naturally beautiful’ then what are we normal women supposed to do?  Should we give into society and go get our tummies tucked, our breasts perkified, and our skin pulled back around our eyes so we can look thinner, younger, and fresher?  Or should we buy as many skin creams, anti acne meds, hydrating shampoos, firming lotions, etc. as we can afford?

Or should we completely revolt and buy nothing.  In fact refusing to ever shower again!

I think we can all see that both of these options are not realistic.  We do need to take care of ourselves and sometimes special creams, lotions, or shampoos do help our faces keep from drying out, or being too oily, or keep our hair from frizzing.  These are understandable.  However, we should not feel like these products make us beautiful.  Our daughters shouldn’t feel that they are only beautiful if they look like the latest Disney Channel sweetheart.

So what can we do for our daughters to help them feel their self worth and help them know that it shouldn’t be dependent upon their weight, face, or hair?

As I’ve thought about this I’ve only been able to think of a few things, so I hope many of you will comment with your own ideas.

1. Be more positive about our own self worth and self image.  Don’t let our daughters hear us say negative comments about ourselves or our own looks.  If we feel we could improve in a certain area, let them see us work at it, such as diet and exercise.  Be a good example to them.  Let them know that we don’t (or no longer) judge ourselves by what we look like.

2. Let them know that they are beautiful.  Don’t just tell them they are pretty when their hair is done or when they are in their Sunday best.  Let them feel beautiful when they are in their pajamas with their hair all crazy.

3. Let them know that their looks aren’t the most important and let them know how smart, kind, compassionate, funny, creative, loving, talented, etc. they are.   Compliment them frequently.  Not to the point of puffing up their heads, but enough for them to understand the truthfulness of the compliments.

4. Be sincere.  If you don’t mean it, they’ll know it.

What are some other ways in which we can strengthen our daughters?

I recommend going to the Dove website by clicking on the link or by pasting this into your browser.   http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/

Dove has workshops for girls, young women, and women to help them improve their self esteem and self image.  I have taken the time to sign up to teach a workshop and I encourage all of you to at least look at their website and learn more about it yourself so you can be ready to teach your own daughters and the young women who will cross your own paths.

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