thefamily

What about clothing and modesty?  I think most parents forgo this topic which is incredibly sad.  They don’t want their kids having sex, yet they allow their daughters out of the house looking like prostitutes.  I met a bunch of friends for ice cream about two weeks ago.  While we were sitting at our table, six teenagers (who looked like babies to me) came into the ice cream parlor.  It was apparently Homecoming dance night or something of the like because the boys were in nice dress up clothes.  If the boys hadn’t been present I’m not sure I could have guessed a dance because the girls looked like they were ready to stand out on an inner city Cleveland corner.  They were not dressed appropriately for the upscale ice cream parlor in the rather well-to-do neighborhood we were in.  I could not believe the amount of skin which was being shown by girls who had only hit puberty months ago.  And not only that, but the styles of the dresses were outrageous, one was wearing what looked like a bustier instead of a dress.  I commented to one of my friends, What idiots would let their daughters out dressed like that?  She came back with an even more poignant question.  What idiots would buy those clothes for their daughters? The very thought of those two ideas shocked me.  If one of them had been my daughter, I would have embarrassed her little butt and told her right in front of her date (this is if she’d bought the dress herself without my consent or knowledge because there’s no way I’d buy it) that she was to either go back to her room and change into something more appropriate or stay home.  Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, I’m not sure I would allow her to go at all.  We might just have to have a serious talk instead of having fun.  If I let her out of the house, even in an outfit I approve of, she may still behave in a way that would be just as immodest as the original dress.  I would need to make sure her priorities and standards are correct before letting her go out with friends who’s standards may not be high enough (which was obviously the case here since all the girls were looking like sluts).  My three year old is constantly pointing out to me girls who are baring a little too much (or a lot) skin.  So keep in mind, if my daughter sees you and your wardrobe isn’t covering the important parts of your body, she just might point at you and in a very loud voice ask, “Mommy, how come she isn’t modest?”  Not long after having one of these modesty discussions (we’ve had more than one or two) my daughter received a sleeveless shirt as a gift.  She was concerned about this as it showed her shoulders and she didn’t want to be immodest, but she really liked the shirt.  She didn’t know what to do about this and asked me about it (yes, she is a very precocious child).  I told her that I didn’t consider the shirt immodest because she is a small child.  My husband and I told her that when she starts kindergarten she won’t be allowed to wear sleeveless shirts like this one though.  My husband and I decided long before we had kids that we wanted them dressing like kids not sluts.  That meant to us that certain styles would not be prohibited such as halter top styles that show off the back, shoulders and occasionally have deep necklines.  Sleeveless shirts would not be allowed once in school, but before school age would be fine as long as the cut and style of the shirt was age appropriate.  Shorts, skirts, and dresses would require the same standards, modest and age appropriate.  If our daughter receives a sleeveless shirt or dress as a gift in the future we’ve told her she can wear a shirt underneath it.  

While she may not understand the entire reason behind the need for modesty, she knows that God wants her to be modest and that is enough for her right now.  Later we’ll discuss the why behind it.  By the way, there’s a little saying in our Church that has come about in the last few years which I think is fun to pass on to get people excited about being modest. “Modesty is hottesty.” Dressing and acting modest really is the most attractive.

Death.  It may be because of my religion and what it teaches about death, but this one was easy for me.  While the situation is sad, my daughter understands that death isn’t the end of life.  She knows there is an afterlife and she knows that because of Christ we will all be resurrected one day.  She knows what resurrected means.  (I said she was precocious, didn’t I?)  We had the opportunity to discuss it in length last October.  She was already somewhat prepared because of Church, but having a death occur in the family gave her the opportunity to personalize the information she’d already been taught and gave me the opportunity as a parent to make sure she really did understand what was happening and clear up any questions she might have had.

Alternate lifestyles.  This one we’ve discussed only a couple times in short little sentences.  This one may be more difficult for me simply because of what I call The Great Falsehood.  This falsehood is, “if you don’t accept it, then you’re a bigot.”  I do not condone homosexuality and I have only a few ideas on how to bring up the subject with my children.  In Massachusetts the school children are taught that same-sex relationships/marriages are normal and moral.  The teachers and schools do not need to receive parental permission to teach this and do not even need to forewarn the parents before doing so.  Be aware of what your children are learning in their schools so you can talk to them about it before they become indoctrinated with a culture that is unwholesome and dangerous.  

Monday I’ll be back to finish up the topic with one more issue I’ve been thinking about.  Have a great weekend and don’t forget to email me or leave a comment!

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