Oct 07 2008
Mommy Esteem-Part 3
I want to point out an important note before I begin today’s blog topic. Mommy Esteem is all about knowing we have potential. We will always have room for improvement. We may not be patient enough or giving enough. We might not know how to take joy in playing with kid toys and games. Mommy Esteem isn’t about thinking we are perfect and couldn’t possibly improve in any way. But just because we aren’t perfect and don’t enjoy every game of Candy Land or every Disney video, doesn’t mean we aren’t already really great moms. There is a balance that must be found between cutting yourself some slack, and being hard enough on yourself to invoke change in your own behaviors.
Gaining Mommy Esteem can be easier than keeping it. Our Mommy Esteem takes hits every day. Something as simple as not getting adequate sleep the night before is enough to dampen it, however slightly. We’ve already discussed some of the things that damage our Esteem and ways to gain it. So how do we keep ourselves feeling good about our abilities as a mother?
Tip #1—For starters, continue doing what we discussed in the last post by not comparing yourself to other moms. When you catch yourself doing this, stop the negativism and think of things you do as a mom that you are proud of. Stop drowning yourself by comparing yourself to other moms.
Tip #2—Share secrets. Find other moms who have kids around the same age as yours. Join a home pre-schooling group, the PTA, a church group, or a group of women at a neighborhood park. Talk about what is frustrating and what brings you joy. You’ll find new ways of doing things and sometimes a little change helps when things become too mundane. Also, when we talk to each other the pedestals come down and the playing field becomes more level.
Tip #3—Keep mommyhood in perspective. Most moms feel unequal to the task of motherhood and housekeeping. It’s a physically, mentally, and spiritually demanding, time consuming, patience-eating, and for the most part thankless job. For SAHMs it is 24/7 with there being no lunch breaks or water cooler conversation (“Did you catch the episode of Sesame Street yesterday?”). There aren’t even always potty breaks when you need them. Did you know that some employers give their employees nap time? It is supposed to increase productivity. My kids stopped taking naps about a year ago and it was the saddest day in my mommyhood. I guess my productivity suffers because I certainly don’t get a nap. The last time I took one I woke to find my son covered in brown craft paint. It just doesn’t happen anymore for fear of what I could wake up to next time.
Tip #4—Keep childhood in perspective. Children are children. They scream, they cry, they wet their beds. They fight, they whine, they disobey. Kids do all kinds of crazy stuff and only slowly do they learn to obey, play nicely, communicate without tears and whining, etc. All too soon they will be grown and calling you on Mother’s Day to tell you how great you are. Let them be kids and when they do something “childish” remember they are children.
Tip #5—Learn to let unimportant things slide. Now of course it’s important to teach your children not to whine or disobey, but don’t obsess over it to the point that you never allow them to express their feelings and desires. Also, if it’s between housework and playing, choose playing. The housework will still look the same after an hour or so, but your kids may not. Sometimes I’m surprised by how quickly mine grow and change. So remember, even if you’re thinking about duct taping your kids to the wall for an hour just so you can clean house and keep it mess-free long enough for you to take pictures so you can prove to your own mother and mother in-law that you are capable of cleaning, don’t do it! Or at least, don’t include those walls in the pictures!*
*Please don’t actually duct tape your kids, I have to include the fact that I’m kidding so no one does that and then sues me. Please don’t be stupid. I can’t abide stupid people.
