thefamily

My mind is feeling numb.  Probably the lack of sleep.  What should I blog about today?  Any ideas?  Kids and TV?  Kids and “educational videos”?  I completely don’t believe in those.  I’ve seen too many kids who watch those turn out to be idiots.  Kids and what . . .?  Or should I cover something else?  Spouse relationships.  More mommy esteem.  Something, I don’t know.  I’m just really tired today I guess.  Uncommon childhood health issues?  These are all things I want to blog on, just not right now.  Too tired.  I guess I’ll blog on the importance of getting enough sleep.

I haven’t had a good night’s sleep since . . . um . . . well.  Let’s see.  I got pregnant with child #1 in 2004.  So I guess that was the last time.  With the pregnancy came the never ending need to pee all night long.  Then came the uncomfortableness.  I couldn’t sleep because I’d pull muscles or got too big or couldn’t sleep on my back or stomach anymore.  Then she was born and woke up every few hours.  Then at the time she should have been learning to sleep through the night she began to have night terrors.  Those lasted until after our middle child was in his own bed, so what, about 2 years (she does still occasionaly have one, but at this time it was every night and even some nap times).  So by that point it’s 2007.  That’s three years of never getting a full night’s sleep.  Also by this time I was pregnant with our third, so once again I’m not sleeping because of pregnancy stuff, because of a toddler learning to sleep in his own bed through the night, and a daughter who occasionally screamed for half an hour at a time in the middle of the night.

Today my lack of sleep continues because night time is the only time I can clean house, wash dishes, organize the apartment, work on crafts, read, etc.  Everything I wanted to do during the day but couldn’t.  This lack of sleep has had a profound effect on my mommy esteem, my ability to play with my kids, keep my temper when needed, etc.  I need sleep, but get very little.  Most moms are like this, I think.  Even though we know better, we can’t help but steal a few hours for ourselves at night, especially if our kids don’t take naps (like mine).

My goal for the rest of this week and next is to go to bed by 10:30 PM.  I can’t remember the last time I went to bed by then and slept through the night.  Probably back in 2002 or earlier.   If you are one of those who stay up late working to finish all the loose ends of the household or trying to get a little personal time at night, try going to bed earlier for a few nights in a row and see if it helps you feel more energized, ready to play with your kids, willing to tackle household chores during the day, and happier.  We’ll experiment together.

Take a moment to enjoy your family today.

Yesterday I was at Joann’s Craft Store and when it was time to leave my daughter (3) and my son (2) decided they were cranky.  I was trying to round them up and take my infant’s car seat off the cart at the same time another customer was walking over to put her cart away.  My daughter and son were turning circles, rotating directly in her path.  I calmly asked them to rotate my way so she could put her cart away, but they were slow to listen.  My baby’s car seat wasn’t coming off the cart easily and I was beginning to get frustrated.   The customer approached and asked my kids to move, which kind of freaked them out because all of a sudden there was this strange lady in front of them with a huge cart in their little faces.  They did finally move, but I could see in the woman’s face she was sizing me up as a mother.  She either thought, “Oh, that poor young mother doesn’t have a clue what she’s doing.  I can’t believe she has three.”  (Because apparently in this part of the country, having three kids means you’re something akin to a rabbit.)  Or she was thinking, “Ugh.  This stupid young mom that can’t control her own kids.  Now I have to step in and help her because there’s no way she’s going to make it to her car with a truckload of children.”

Either way, she felt compelled to walk me and the kids out, all the while looking disdainfully at me because my baby had no socks on her feet (she had a thick blanket and a heavy coat covering her though) and cautioning my children to look both ways before they stepped into the parking lot.  My children already know this.  I’ve trained them to be so fearful of cars that every time we go down to the underground parking for our building, our son peeks out the basement door, checks to see if it’s all clear, then runs to our car as fast as he can while crying out, “I’m scared of car!”  or “Don’t wanna be smashed!”  My children know to look both ways and just because they weren’t using their ears in the store because they were too busy spinning, doesn’t mean they needed a lecture from a complete stranger.

For a split second after this happened I felt like a bad mom.  My baby didn’t have socks on.  I needed to explain why she didn’t have socks on: we ran out of the apartment in a hurry.  Instead of having my kids hold on to the car seat or my shirt like I usually do, I had them hold hands with each other and hold my free hand (it was quite the spectacle, I’m sure).   The guilt didn’t last long, but the frustration and anger I felt for the woman who felt the need to judge me did.  And I guess I’m discovering as I write this, that some of the frustration and anger is still around.

But the point is, when we got home, and out of the car, and into the basement, the kids were smiling and twirling, and laughing and being their ultra silly selves.  They were happy.  I love it when they are happy together.  When they play together so well.  I’m a good mom.  My kids are happy kids who are learning and growing.  My kids are loving kids who care about other people and aren’t afraid to show concern when others are sad.  My kids love to laugh and I give them ample opportunities to do so.  I love my kids and I’m a good mom.

My husband is a terrific husband and father.  He plays with the kids every day.  He has special games he plays with them and special songs he sings to them.  Games and songs that mom either isn’t willing to play or songs mom can never remember the words to.  He has worked hard to provide for us, and continues to work hard as he is in dental school.  I love it when the kids do something cute or funny and we share a look.  A look that says, “we have the cutest, most smartest, most adorable kids ever.”

And it’s true.

Yesterday I wrote on the importance of family, how God intends for us to have children and why, and my belief that families can be together forever.  Today I’ll continue along the same vein of families and children with the issue of abortion.  Once again I will be borrowing heavily from Elder Oaks’s devotional from 1999.

Elder Oaks states, “More than 30 years ago, as a young law professor, I published one of the earliest articles on the legal consequences of abortion. . . .  I have been fascinated with how cleverly those who sought and now defend legalized abortion on demand have moved the issue away from a debate on the moral, ethical, and medical pros and cons of legal restrictions on abortion and focused the debate on the slogan or issue of choice. The slogan or sound bite “pro-choice” has had an almost magical effect in justifying abortion and in neutralizing opposition to it.

However, Oaks councils, “Choice is a method, not the ultimate goal. We are accountable for our choices . . .”  Yes, it is a choice, but we must make the right choice.  One of the ten commandments is to not commit murder, nor anything like unto it.  Abortion, not matter the stage of pregnancy, it murder or something like unto it.

A popular argument it that the woman should have control over her own body.  Yes, every woman has control over and responsibility for her own body, how she uses it and how she cares for it.  If a woman chooses to remain chaste, modest in her dress and manner of behavior, then she has made choices that will enable her, that will give her more good choices to choose from.  It is highly unlikely that she will be faced with the choice to abort a life or not.

On the other hand, if a woman dresses provocatively, behaves in a fashion that puts her in a situation where pre-marital sex occurs and pregnancy begins, then she has made a wrong choice which will limit her future choices.  She now has a responsibility for the life growing within her as well as her own body.  If the pregnancy puts a damper on her plans, the inconvenience of the child does not justify her in an abortion.  She chose what would happen to her body and risked becoming pregnant.  Our wrong choices limit our future choices.  Those who choose to drink and drive suffer the consequences of losing their licenses, wrecking their cars, or worse, being the cause of another’s death or their own.  Those who choose to use drugs make the choice to harm their bodies and lose some of their faculties, as well as create a possibility of hurting others.  Those who choose to lie, cheat, steal make wrong choices which will harm them and limit their future choices.

Those who make choices which lead to unwanted pregnancies have lost some of the freedoms which they desire.  They cannot simply abort because they want to continue having illicit sex, or because they want to continue using drugs, or smoking, or because they wanted a career first, or even because they wanted to finish high school first.  The woman has already had her choice.

The child within her is innocent.  The child within her has done nothing wrong and would like nothing better than to come into a family where it will be loved and cared for.  If the woman is not willing or able to care for the child, there are avenues other than abortion.  Adoption, for one.  There are many women unable to become pregnant who would love to care for a child.  There is no need to silence a life, when there are those willing and desiring to care for it.

Today’s topic is the purpose of families.  I will be borrowing heavily from Dallin H. Oaks whose credentials are too numerous to list here, so I supplied a link to a wiki article on him.  This is from a devotional given by him at BYU in 1999.  I find it timely now (just as it was then, but perhaps more so now) because of our current raging political battle.  One of our candidates is pro-live abortion and as such, I simply cannot vote for him.

“The purpose of mortal families is to bring children into the world, to teach them what is right, and to prepare all family members for exaltation in eternal family relationships. The gospel plan contemplates the kind of family government, discipline, solidarity, and love that serve those ultimate goals.”

We talk of God as being a kind and loving Father to us, and we are his children.  It would make sense then that He would want us to experience love in a family and experience parenthood.  He is the ultimate Father, one with perfect love for us.  He wants us to understand what it is like to love and care for others, and the best way we can experience these is through having children.  Elder Oaks mentioned a gospel plan.  In my Church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we believe that God has a plan for us and that we can be together in our families forever.  That marriage doesn’t have to be ’til death do us part’ and that those of us who have lost children due to miscarriage, accident, or sickness, will have the opportunity to raise that child in the next life.  We believe that our families are given to us that we may learn to love and care for others, and in turn be loved and cared for, that we may learn to be a little more like God and our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow I will be back writing on abortion and how Satan has blinded the eyes and senses of the world.

Sorry about the huge lag between the last two posts.  I was hectically trying to complete Megan’s Halloween costume and some  projects that I will be showing to JoAnns Craft Store later this week in the hopes of getting a teaching job there in February.

This last week I tried to keep the womanhood quote in my mind as much as possible.  I hoped that as I reflected on it, my actions and voice would gradually become softer and more gentle.   I also took the opportunity to watch other women, those around me here in Ohio.  I also reflected on the women I’ve left behind in Utah, Texas, and other parts of the country and world:  my own mother, my sister, and grandmother (I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately), my dear friends I’ve so recently moved across the country from.  I also thought about women in the public eye, those in Hollywood and government.

I didn’t bother comparing myself to these women, there would have been no point to a comparison, but I did try to compare myself to where I was six months ago, a year ago, three years ago and three weeks ago.

When the feminist movement began taking hold in our society, many women felt the need to show men just how “manly” they could be.  Language, manners, and morals began to slip.  With each generation they have fallen more and more.   It used to be that a woman who used swear words was looked down upon, that a woman who showed a “little too much skin” was seen as improper and lost her place in “good society.”   Women were seen as the heart and soul of their homes, making it a haven from the busy, hectic world.  Many women today no longer feel the need to take care of their homes in this way and instead expect their families to bend to their whims.

The other day I was at the store looking for ribbon for a project.  There was a young woman in the aisle with me who was looking for something.  When she couldn’t find it, she swore.  She didn’t yell it or even say it loudly, but it was loud enough for me to hear from a few feet away.  I cringed.  Everytime I hear a woman use inappropriate language (not that men can use it and there be no problem, I just have a harder time when it is a woman) it hurts my heart.  It is worse when it is teenagers using language such as this.    On more than one occasion I have asked complete stangers to watch their language.  Usually it is when my children are with me.  I of course don’t want them picking up those words into their vocabulary and so I make sure that they understand that there are words that are unkind and rude and that those words are not to be used.  Some of these times have been without my children, because I have the right to go into a public place and not have to listen to crass language while I am there.

There is so much more I’d like to cover on this topic, but time doesn’t allow it today.  Send a comment and let me know your thoughts on this topic.  Start standing up for women in the home, starting with your home.  Let it be a haven from the world, a place where your family wants to be.  Be the heart and soul of your home by setting a happy, loving tone.  Be an example to your children and to others.  Show refinement and kindness, gentleness and virtue and don’t mistake coarseness, rudeness, greed, vanity, and popularity for what they aren’t: firmness, assertiveness, care for oneself and one’s family, and love.

Sorry it’s taken me so long to get anything up today.  It’s been crazy!  I didn’t even babysit today, but it seems like the day just got away with me and I spent the whole thing either out of the apartment or in the kitchen.

Today’s blog is an introduction to next Monday’s blog.  Why?  Because it is almost 8 PM and a new episode of House is coming on!  Plus, I desperately need to work on my daughter’s Halloween costume.

There was an awesome talk given by Margaret D. Nadauld who at the time was the General President for the Young Women in my Church .  This calling as President was over the entire Church world-wide, not just a group of girls from one or two congregations

“Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity.”

Think about this quote and we’ll discuss it more at length next week.  Please remember to leave your comments, thoughts, and suggestions.  To all those who have been commenting, THANK YOU!!

How do we begin teaching our children about clean thoughts and clean language?  The media is inundated with filthy language and smut.  Movies and T.V. shows that appear child and family friendly are not.  Just because a movie or show is a cartoon, it doesn’t mean it is alright for children.  Take Shrek for example.  My kids occasionally ask to watch Shrek.  They think it is a funny movie, but they don’t understand more than half of it.  And it’s a good thing they don’t!  The cartoon has many sexual innuendos and much foul language. 

Shrek was marketed as a kid movie, complete with Shrek character toys, shirts, bowls and plates, shoes, hats, etc.  The movie, which upon viewing is obviously meant for adults, is slammed into the faces of children. 

What about after school or Saturday morning cartoons?  They are filled with violence in a degree which I cannot understand.  Yes, Saturday morning cartoons were violent when I was a kid, but they were nothing like they are today.  As a kid I saw Wylie Coyote fall off a cliff after holding up a sign that said, “Help!” or Bugs Bunny bend Elmer Fudd’s rifle back on himself, giving Fudd a black face.  These cartoons acknowledged they were cartoons, not real situations where they were trying to hurt one another.

Today’s cartoons are filled with a more graphic violence:  the bad guys attempting to kill the good guys, the good guys trying to kill the bad guys.  Fights involving hand to hand combat and extreme weapons are abundant. 

We need to be aware of what our children are watching and moderate it better.  We need to let Hollywood and the T.V. stations know what is acceptable in our homes and on our T.V.s and what isn’t.  Don’t just assume because it’s a cartoon or because it came from Disney that it must be okay.  Let our children know why certain shows are inappropriate and teach them to use clean language and to have clean thoughts.   Let our children be children.  Let’s not fill their minds with smutty thoughts and language. 

What about clothing and modesty?  I think most parents forgo this topic which is incredibly sad.  They don’t want their kids having sex, yet they allow their daughters out of the house looking like prostitutes.  I met a bunch of friends for ice cream about two weeks ago.  While we were sitting at our table, six teenagers (who looked like babies to me) came into the ice cream parlor.  It was apparently Homecoming dance night or something of the like because the boys were in nice dress up clothes.  If the boys hadn’t been present I’m not sure I could have guessed a dance because the girls looked like they were ready to stand out on an inner city Cleveland corner.  They were not dressed appropriately for the upscale ice cream parlor in the rather well-to-do neighborhood we were in.  I could not believe the amount of skin which was being shown by girls who had only hit puberty months ago.  And not only that, but the styles of the dresses were outrageous, one was wearing what looked like a bustier instead of a dress.  I commented to one of my friends, What idiots would let their daughters out dressed like that?  She came back with an even more poignant question.  What idiots would buy those clothes for their daughters? The very thought of those two ideas shocked me.  If one of them had been my daughter, I would have embarrassed her little butt and told her right in front of her date (this is if she’d bought the dress herself without my consent or knowledge because there’s no way I’d buy it) that she was to either go back to her room and change into something more appropriate or stay home.  Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, I’m not sure I would allow her to go at all.  We might just have to have a serious talk instead of having fun.  If I let her out of the house, even in an outfit I approve of, she may still behave in a way that would be just as immodest as the original dress.  I would need to make sure her priorities and standards are correct before letting her go out with friends who’s standards may not be high enough (which was obviously the case here since all the girls were looking like sluts).  My three year old is constantly pointing out to me girls who are baring a little too much (or a lot) skin.  So keep in mind, if my daughter sees you and your wardrobe isn’t covering the important parts of your body, she just might point at you and in a very loud voice ask, “Mommy, how come she isn’t modest?”  Not long after having one of these modesty discussions (we’ve had more than one or two) my daughter received a sleeveless shirt as a gift.  She was concerned about this as it showed her shoulders and she didn’t want to be immodest, but she really liked the shirt.  She didn’t know what to do about this and asked me about it (yes, she is a very precocious child).  I told her that I didn’t consider the shirt immodest because she is a small child.  My husband and I told her that when she starts kindergarten she won’t be allowed to wear sleeveless shirts like this one though.  My husband and I decided long before we had kids that we wanted them dressing like kids not sluts.  That meant to us that certain styles would not be prohibited such as halter top styles that show off the back, shoulders and occasionally have deep necklines.  Sleeveless shirts would not be allowed once in school, but before school age would be fine as long as the cut and style of the shirt was age appropriate.  Shorts, skirts, and dresses would require the same standards, modest and age appropriate.  If our daughter receives a sleeveless shirt or dress as a gift in the future we’ve told her she can wear a shirt underneath it.  

While she may not understand the entire reason behind the need for modesty, she knows that God wants her to be modest and that is enough for her right now.  Later we’ll discuss the why behind it.  By the way, there’s a little saying in our Church that has come about in the last few years which I think is fun to pass on to get people excited about being modest. “Modesty is hottesty.” Dressing and acting modest really is the most attractive.

Death.  It may be because of my religion and what it teaches about death, but this one was easy for me.  While the situation is sad, my daughter understands that death isn’t the end of life.  She knows there is an afterlife and she knows that because of Christ we will all be resurrected one day.  She knows what resurrected means.  (I said she was precocious, didn’t I?)  We had the opportunity to discuss it in length last October.  She was already somewhat prepared because of Church, but having a death occur in the family gave her the opportunity to personalize the information she’d already been taught and gave me the opportunity as a parent to make sure she really did understand what was happening and clear up any questions she might have had.

Alternate lifestyles.  This one we’ve discussed only a couple times in short little sentences.  This one may be more difficult for me simply because of what I call The Great Falsehood.  This falsehood is, “if you don’t accept it, then you’re a bigot.”  I do not condone homosexuality and I have only a few ideas on how to bring up the subject with my children.  In Massachusetts the school children are taught that same-sex relationships/marriages are normal and moral.  The teachers and schools do not need to receive parental permission to teach this and do not even need to forewarn the parents before doing so.  Be aware of what your children are learning in their schools so you can talk to them about it before they become indoctrinated with a culture that is unwholesome and dangerous.  

Monday I’ll be back to finish up the topic with one more issue I’ve been thinking about.  Have a great weekend and don’t forget to email me or leave a comment!

I would like to ask you what topics you find to be the most difficult (or will be the most difficult when the time comes) to discuss with your children and why you find them difficult to discuss.  The rest of this week and part of next week, this will be the discussion, so please participate by leaving comments or emailing me at ksbimagine @ yahoo dot com. 

There are many topics which should be discussed in the home before children go into the world (literally and figuratively) and see some of the filth and low morals which have invaded and become commonplace within our country.

Most parents dread “the talk” with their kids and seem to avoid it.  My oldest daughter, who will be four in December, has already asked me how people get pregnant.  At the time it only startled me for a second before I realized it was a completely natural question for her to ask.  I’d recently had a baby and she was curious.  She knew the baby had been inside me and wanted to know how her baby sister had gotten inside me in the first place.  I decided a three year old didn’t need to know specifics (or anything about it, really) and at the time she asked I was busy so I told her to ask me again later.  Knowing her, she will ask and it won’t be long before she does.  At that time I will probably give her accurate, but slightly vague information and as she gets older we’ll talk about it more with more specifics.

We have already talked with our children about the dangers of smoking and alcohol.  Both of my children know the dangers of smoking and they are aware that alcohol is not good for their bodies, although they probably don’t understand the specifics of it yet.  My daughter is always asking me why people would put such things into their bodies.  “Why is that lady smoking?  Does she know it will make her head black?”  My daughter is also aware of the negative consequences, for example the killing of the nervous system, of coffee and tea.   My daughter will ask why there are commercials for such things and why people drink them if they are so harmful to our bodies.

While we don’t have a date set to talk about the dangers of drugs, legal and illegal, I know it will come up soon.  One of the current problems in society is the abuse of prescription drugs by teenagers and young adults.  I couldn’t believe it when I first heard it.  I hated taking medicine as a kid and I certainly never would have thought to raid my parents’ or grandparents’ medicine cabinets.  To this day I would rather deal with a headache than take an aspirin. 

Tomorrow I will be back with more topics of discussion and later I will get to ways in which we can bring up these topics with our children. Don’t forget to leave me a comment or email me with your thoughts and requests.